I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
