I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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