I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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