What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So squirting runs in the family.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize