yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm at about main and main street
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Randomize
