Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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