and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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