Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
