I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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