Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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