I have demons in me.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
