I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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