I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
