how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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