not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
