I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
