Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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