Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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