The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
