There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
