Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He passed out mid-signature
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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