the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
