spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize