the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
