Got a toothbrush?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
