We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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