Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize