May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
