Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
