The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
