So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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