My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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