now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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