He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
