did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
