So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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