I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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