I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize