this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
All the doctor said was why
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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