Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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