apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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