I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
