my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
