I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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