omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
