So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
