I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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