and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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