Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
