I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
