apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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