If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize