I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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