if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
