Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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