it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
