apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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