I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
