Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize