i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize