Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
