the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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