So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
