I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
